Don't accuse where you don't know

I did have something else that I wanted to write about today, but an occurance from this afternoon has completely forshadowed it and driven it out of my mind.

One of my classmates approached me around noon today and offered to pay me to write a paper for him that was due in a few hours. I refused, and when he kept pushing the subject, I finally told him that I do not cheat.

From there he begins to cross examine me, accusing me of having cheated in the past. I can tell you right now that I never have. Even if I didn't get caught for it, it would still be on my conscious, and I hate going on guilt trips from my conscious. So I do my best to go on as few as possible.

After I said that I don't cheat, he begins to call me a liar, proclaiming that everybody cheats, and there are no exceptions to that rule, which is a load of bull shit. (Forgive the language, but it really upsets me.)

To my great surprise and gratitude, nearly the entire class stood up to defend me, if not to directly defend me, to at least make him back off. But he continued to keep to the subject until I found that a better response to his claims was not to respond at all. The upside to the whole situation was that I got a lot of good studying done for my exam tomorrow.

The thing is, I do not appreciate having my integrity called into question by people who do not know me at all. And this guy couldn't even remember my name. There are a few people who know everything about me, and maybe one or two of them actually reside on this campus, and they are all girls. I'm pretty sure I was being attacked by a guy today who I had never met till this semester, and have spoken to maybe five times.

It really hits a nerve in me when people do things like that because of what I and many of my friends have experienced in the past. But I have moved past the point where I will let peole say things like that and get away without some kind of response on my end. I am not a door mat anymore, and I am sick and tired of having people think that I am.

What just happened?

I wish I could answer my own question, but I can't. This past weekend, I had a really long list of things that I wanted to get done so I wouldn't have to do them this week.

I have been trying to get ahead so that I wouldn't have to do anything over Thanksgiving break, and I had been doing pretty well up till last weekend. I know some of you have been yelling at me about that and calling me an over-achiever, but I none of that stopped me before.

And then this weekend got here, and I was so close to not having to do anything at all this week, and then I hit some kind of wall. I have no idea what happened!

I went to the plays on Friday night, left them crying my eyes out, and then spent the entire of Saturday watching tv and crying! Rather than doing what I had written down on my to do list. I left the dorm four times in two days!

I have absolutely no idea what happened this past weekend, but now I am paying for it by having to do everything during a week when I really don't want to do anything but wish I were home.

Now I have three papers due before Friday, and an exam on Friday that I have been unable to study for. I need break to get here, before all of this is due!

I can only hope that this weekend is going to go really fast so I can get home. But I still really wish that someone could tell me what the hell happened this weekend.

Well, it's done

As the title suggests, yes, I have my schedule for next semester, and there is good news and bad news. The good news is, I got everything I signed up for, which is extremely rare. The bad news is, I got everything I signed up for.

I took one look at my schedule and something inside of me died. Don't get me wrong, all of this was my idea, and I knew it would have to come to that to be able to go to Wales. But part of me wanted someone to stop me.

Oh well, I'll just have to move on now and get it over with. At least I'll be able to go to Wales without too many worries. And there is no way in hell that I am not going to Wales after this. If I am going to break my back with this schedule, I am definately going to get something out of it.

Is this a good idea, or a really stupid one?

Okay, since I am about twenty minutes away from registering for classes, and there is no chance of getting a different schedule approved now, I am going to express my fears about what I am about to do.

To start off, let me explain how I have come to this point. Next year, I am planning to study abroad second semester in Wales. Now I have no regrets about that, but Wales does not have the core program, and I still have four cores to go in the second semester before I can graduate. So I have to find something to do to get all my core requirements out of the way.

Now we get to what I am worried about. To make sure all of my requirements are taken care of, I am going to take three core classes this upcoming semester. That means that I will be going to one of three different lectures everyday of the week. All I can say at this point is that next semester is going to be HELL! But I don't want to take any summer classes, and there is no way I am going to double up with core 10.

So even though I am going to go through with it, my question is: is this really a smart move considering my goals? Or is this the dumbest idea that has ever been imagined by a student at this college?

Writing!

So I finally have this to show all of you. Feel free to leave any criticism you want. I know it may be difficult to grasp what it is saying because there is no summery of the story, but please look at it as an independent piece of writing.

This piece is a scene from Patria, right before the barricade. Enjoy, and please forgive me, I know it's sappy.


She could not call him back, she would not. To call him back would be to break her promise, and that was unacceptable. But she heard his name escape her lips, and for a moment he stopped. But to her relief and heartbreak, he soon began to walk away again.

She sank back into her chair, still clutching his ring. For a moment, she stared at the floor, but no tears blurred her vision. For the first time in her life Patria could think only of herself, and she wondered why the world had not stopped because of this.

But the world stops for no one, and the people within it have their own problems. So the world can be forgiven for not caring that two people were about to die to uphold an ideal that had lost the iron grip that it once held them in.



What do you think? I know it still needs work. Have a good night.

Halloween

Hello everyone! I know that Halloween was yesterday, but there would have been no way for me to write anything on it before hand, because my Halloween didn't start till about 8:00 last night.

It's been awhile since I've had that much fun. I actually haven't done anything for Halloween since I was in fifth grade. After that, I stayed home and passed out candy, for some reason thinking that going trick or treating was beneath me. It's funny that I should suddenly take an interest in dressing up again.

I didn't actually go trick or treating, but I went to a great party where there was plenty of candy, lots of apple cider, and hot chocolate. Everything was wonderful, and I wasn't afraid to have my picture taken, which is something that never happens.

Now I have something for you. I won't post it right now, but in a few hours, I will post the piece of writing that I promised you. I finally got a response back from AuthoressTams, and the piece is ready to go. So I will see you all again in a few hours.

Apology

I owe eveyone an apology, because I said that I would try to get some of my writing up on the blog this week. I'm afraid that is not going to be possible. The piece that I was working on is still not ready to be posted.

There are several reasons for this: one is that I have been rather busy, so I have not had any time to actually work out the kinks in the passage. A second is that my muse keeps coming and going, so my inspiration is sporadic, and the times of its arrival are very annoying. Third, I have developed about four different endings for the scene that I am working on, and I can not figure out which one sounds best. And fourth, which has a bit of good news in it, I actually got inspiration for a scene in my murder mystery yesterday, so that free time I had was spent working that one out.

So, like I said, I know I told you I would get some writing up this week, but I can't, so I promise to put something up next week.

Finally

I am really excited! For the first time in months, I actually managed to write something that wasn't for school!

After not having any inspiration for ages, my friend, Authoress Tams sent me a few pictures that reminded her of one of the novels I am working on. (Authoress Tams is my editor as well).

One of these pictures actually had the name of my main character, Patria, in the title, and the other one looked a lot like the idea that I'm working with in my book. Seeing those pictures really gave my ideas for that book, and I began to write. I actually started rewriting a scene that I had written last year. I had never been completely happy with it, but I was having a lot of trouble fixing it.

Finally, Saturday night, I managed to write part of it better, and I am infinitely happier with it. I plan on posting it up this week if I can. I haven't quite finished it yet, but hopefully I'll get it up this week. If not, I'll do my best to get it up next week.

While I am on the topic of Patria, I found out what the name means. You'd think it was French, since I first read it in a novel by a French author, set in France, but it is actually Latin, and it means fatherland. It is a funny name for a girl, but considering the plot of the story, it really works for her.

Like I said, I'll try to get that piece up this week, and if I can't get it finished in time, I'll do my best to get it up some time next week. I'll finally manage to use this blog for the use it was created for!

Seasons

I love Autumn more than any other season of the year. I remember when summer used to be my favorite season because we didn't have to go to school for a few monthes. But now, summer doesn't really seem all that great to me.

I enjoy summer because I get to hang out with my best friends from high school, and when I am at school here, I really miss that. But one of the problems with summer is that I have to work, and if I get another job this summer that is anything like last summer, then I will have very limited time with my friends. I have no intention of going back to a factory though, so hopefully it won't be so bad.

I also hate the heat, and I despise humidity, so summer is hardly my ideal season. And even though I get to hang out with my friends back home, I miss my friends from school just as much. And it makes it very difficult to see them when almost all of them live in Indiana, and I am in Cincinnati.

But I love Autumn; I love the colors and the wind and the cooler weather. There is something also about the smell of Autumn. To me it smells like campfires, maybe that's just because I live close to a campground, but I even notice it up here sometimes. I love the smell of campfire, it reminds me of home.

Autumn also leads into winter, which has its ups and downs. I love snow, perhaps just because we don't get that much of it back home. I think snow is beautiful. But when the snow melts, and it is just cold, that's the downside of winter. Once the snow is gone, everything gets kind of depressing.

That is why to me, fall is the best season, there's more variety and excitement in the air.

Embarassing

Everybody has one thing that they wish they could hold back when they're in public and can't. And when it comes out, they are really embarassed.

Mine is crying in public.

It's so embarassing when it happens because I really can't control it that well. I have very over-reactive emotions, (thanks to my mom) and when something makes me really sad, I cry. I hate it with a passion. Once people realize that you're crying, they'll try to comfort you, or they'll make fun of you depending on their nature. And sometimes the situation leads to you explaining why whatever made you cry affected you the way it did.

Those explanations are not always fun, so the best idea would be to avoid them altogether. I have a hard time doing that though, because I can't keep my friggin emotions under control!

What brings this on is that I literaly just starting crying during a class. We were reading something, and I found the ending pretty tragic, so I cried. Thank God only one person noticed, and she didn't ask any questions. The answer would not have been satisfactory to her, I think. I'm pretty sure it would only make sense to me anyway, which is why I like to get away with crying without being noticed. Most of the time it's a really stupid reason to anyone but me, and other times, I just don't want to talk about it.

In the past couple years I have learned to control it better, but I still lose control sometimes, and then I get frustrated. I really wish there was a way to completely control it.

Corgies

Probably because I am terribly home sick and I won't be going home till Thanksgiving, I really want to talk about my dogs. That sounds terrible doesn't it? When I'm home sick, the first thing I think of are my dogs rather than my family. I really do love being with my family, and I miss them horribly. The disappointment I feel about not being able to go home this weekend is huge.

But I probably have the most amazing dogs ever. They are all Pembrooke Welsh Corgies, and I have three of them, which creates absolute chaos in the house, and three times the love. I'm not sure how many of you have actually seen a corgie, but they are the cutest animals in the whole world. They are less than a foot of the ground, over a foot long, perky pointed ears, and no tails. Depending on what type of corgie you have, they come in different colors. All three of mine are red and white, but they also come in red, white, and black, black and white, or any of those colors with grey.

Yes, I said they don't have tails. You can consider it cruel if you want, but the puppies tails are cut off at birth, leaving only a little nub behind. This nub is more than likely the cutest thing about a corgie. Since they once had tails, they have the same reaction as any other dog when they are happy, they wag their tails. But since there is no tail to wag, there is only a little nub to shake. So you just see a small portion of the dog's behind moving back and forth, and it is just the cutest thing you've ever seen! Most corgies can do that, unless you are Brett, the youngest of my three corgies. He hasn't figured out completely how to just wag his tail, so his entire butt shakes, which earned him the nick name, wiggle-butt.

They also have the biggest eyes you will ever encounter. These dogs have the ability to look sad, happy, or anything in between without actually doing anything to their eyes or faces. They either melt you, or they make you smile, something they do really well, especially when they smile themselves. Sparky, the oldest of the three, has the best smile, but he also has the saddest eyes, which he uses to great effect whenever there is a suitcase around. When they are sad, begging, or afraid that they are in trouble, all three of my dogs will put their ears down and look at you with eyes that you could just fall into, and it is impossible to stay angry at them, no matter what they have done.

Corgies are also probably the most loyal dogs you will come across. Without really having to train them, even without a leash, they will follow you everywhere. My mom likes to take them to school with her once in a while, and all three of them will just follow her wherever she goes. And when I am alone in the house with them, Sparky and Brett have a tendency to follow me around. On the other hand, my middle dog Anna is the queen of the house, so she will only follow you if you have food, or she feels like it. But if you sit or lay on the floor, she will come and practically sit on you to get you to pet her.

The problem is that they are very jealous dogs. Without fail, whenever another dog, or the cat was introduced into the house, the animal who was the new one until the "upstart" came in would feel quite put out, and would ignore everyone and everything in the house for a few days. After a while though, he or she would finally condescend to pay attention to the new arrival. Questions as to who the alpha dog in the house is have gone unanswered to this day.

I just really miss my puppies, and that is what this long winded post is really all about. My apologies to my readers.

No Time

Midterms are going on right now, something that everybody here knows. And it is obvious that the stress is starting to get to everyone, if you haven't gone completely insane already. What I normally do when I'm stressed is pull out a favorite book and read my favorite parts for a little while. But at the moment, I don't even have time for that!

Dealing with stress is not my strong suit, and I have had several break downs already, most of them having occurred today. Does anyone else notice that we tend to enjoy the panic rather than have confidence in ourselves that we actually know the material we are studying? Enjoying probably is not the best word, but around exam time we certainly choose to lower our self confidence levels about ten notches.

And yet again, I am going to be employing my artistic form of procrastination. The other problem with midterms is that we are so drained by the beginning of the week, we have very little, if any energy at all to write the papers that we need to do. Only the looming due date manages to rekindle the dying embers of minds, enabling us to do what we need to do. If anyone has any really ingenious and easy stress relievers, I'm begging you to pass them on.

Slight panic

I know this post is going to be an eye roller for many of you, but it is a genuine concern for me. I'm starting to panic a little, because my Christmas shopping is not done yet, and I only have till Halloween to finish it.

I told you that you would be rolling your eyes.

The thing is, I hate the Christmas rush. I used to work in it, so I refuse to shop in it. I find that you pick up better gifts if you take your time looking for them rather than picking everything up a 11:00 on Christmas eve. It's also much more economic if you buy gifts all year round. That way you don't have to worry about running out of money at the last minute.

In the past three years, I have set up rules for myself that all my shopping had to be done by Halloween, and everything had to be wrapped by Thanksgiving, which pretty much sums up what my break is going to be like. This policy has led to both exasperation and relief from my family members. They role their eyes when I ask them to help me move the wrapping paper from the basement to my room. But when they only have four days till Christmas and they are still at work and none of their gifts are wrapped, or they don't know how to wrap gifts, there is always me to come to the rescue.

I have the majority of my shopping done, I just need to get a few more odds and ends, but I will only have one opportunity to do that before Halloween, and that is midterm break. Hopefully, Chicago will have a few shops where I can finish everything.

That is one thing I hate about this town, there is no where to go to get really good Christmas gifts. Yes, Wal-Mart has a lot of different things, but I would rather not do all my Christmas shopping in one store, especially not a Wal-Mart. Call me snobbish if you will, but that is just the way I feel.

Major stress

So how many people are leaving campus after midterms for fall break? I know I am. My mom is coming to pick me up on Friday and we are heading to Chicago for a fun weekend of doing whatever the hell we feel like.

Sadly, there are a few things standing in the way of being able to fully enjoy my weekend. First, I have to study for my midterms, which really sucks. Especially when we are at least one class behind in all but one of my classes. That makes it a little difficult to know hwat to study for.

The other thing standing in my way is something that I alone might find a difficulty. Despite the fact that I do it all the time, I really hate doing my homework at the last minute. Procrastination is an art form, and one that I have mastered very well. But I hate the stress. So I decided that I would get all homework done through Tuesday after midterms done so that I would be able to go to Chicago without worrying about the amount of homework I have to do when I get back.

Go ahead and call me an overachiever if you will, others have done it before. I just feel better when I know that I can enjoy myself without school hanging over my head, which is part of the reason Thanksgiving break is not my favorite. The problem with this plan is that to get the upcoming homework done, I have to do the previous homework really early. Balancing that with everything else that I have to do in a week, and we are talking major stress.

Perhaps it would be worth it if I could manage to stay on top of my game when I come back. Sadly, I never manage to stay ahead very long.

Murder Anyone?

This past weekend I went on a camping trip with campus ministry. I had a really good time despite the fact that the majority of the day was spent swatting misquitos. Despite our best efforts, everyone left with at least ten bites, but that is beside the point.

I wish that I had managed to get more writing done over the weekend than I did; I only got a few lines for a couple of stories, but I think I came up with a rather good idea.

One of the pieces that I'm rather attached to is a murder mystery/thriller. Even though I know everything that happens, and I think I know how it ends, there is something still missing, but I think I found part of the problem. When I'm working on this piece, I keep seeing scenes acted out, not from movies I've seen, but what these scenes are supposed to look like. But whenever I try to write them, they never turn out the way they should.

So I made a decision that I will no longer write this story as a novel but as a screen play. Everything seems to work out better that way, because then I can just describe how everything looks rather than try to make it sound like it fits in a novel. I just hope that people are still interested in psychological/thriller dramas, because that is the way this story is turning out to be right now.

Work Frustration

I'm sure that I am not the only one who is rather upset by the small amout of progress that the construction crews on campus are showing. For those involved in theater, God only knows when that will be finished, and if they would get their butts out of the Field House, we may have a few less internet problems since they won't be there to cut the cord with their back hoe. And of course, if they would hurry up and finish, everyone would be able to get into the library again rather than sharing the circulation room with everybody and their cousin.

But the problems with the library construction are causing me particular problems, such as, because the construction crews were so incompentent this summer, we of the library staff are forced to do part of their job for them. I can tell you right now that this is not what I signed up for when I applied for the job. On the nights that we work, we are downstairs in the basement shifting books from one shelf to another for at least an hour. Keep in mind that the basement is not air conditioned and those books are extremely heavy.

Tonight we started moving the last of the books that were upstairs to the basement. While I was just pushing carts from the upstairs into the elevator and then into the basement it wasn't too bad, but then I started emptying the carts in the basement. I can tell you right now that a short person and a very tall bookshelf do not go together, but I filled at least twenty bookshelves tonight, and I probably sweat off five pounds. Three separate times I had a number of heavy books nearly fall on my head, I fell off the stool about ten times, and all and all nearly passed out from heat after an hour.

The thing is, it wouldn't be so bad if we had known that we would be doing all this. If we had been informed that moving books was a garuntee for when we came back, then I wouldn't have liked it, but I would have accepted it. But that is not the case here. Thanks to the construction crew deciding to take a whole month off without informing anybody, and also screwing several things up because they weren't communicating with everybody else, we are three monthes behind schedule and the whole staff is doing work that we weren't supposed to do in the first place. To be perfectly frank, it pisses me off. And it's not my bosses fault at all, and I don't blame her in the least. I blame the construction crew entirely, and I also blame the other construction crews for all the other problems on campus this year. Whether it's right or not doesn't really matter at this point.

New Obsessions

Does anyone else find it amazing at how quickly we can get obsessed with something after only one experience? I find it a little frightening personally. Of course I am referring to myself, and seeing as I'm such a dork, I may be the only one who can take on a new obsession at lightning speed.

My newest obsessions are Humphrey Bogart films, the movie Howl's Moving Castle, Shojo manga, buying books on Wales, and locating and buying Scarlet Pimpernel books.

I know that to most people, part of that list makes absolutely no sense, but don't worry, I'm not going to leave you in the dark.

Whether you believe me or not, I only just saw Casablanca for the first time this summer. Yes, I pretty much have been living under a rock. Before that, my prefered movie genre was any movie with a lot of fights using whatever weapon of choice, I'm not picky. Anyway, I had heard so much about Casablanca that I became sufficiently interested. I was lucky enough to find it at my local library and I watched with my mom and fell in love with it, enough so that I bought it before I came back to school. Since then I have been in love with Humphrey Bogart, and I am trying to get my hands on as many of his films as possible. One big problem, the Blockbuster in this town does not carry any of his movies. Fortunatly, there is a wonderful professor here who is letting me borrow the ones that he has. I just wish there were other places to find them around here because he only as three of them. Oh well, I'll find them some time.

Next obsession, Howl's Moving Castle, a cute Japanese anime movie that I found at blockbuster and am now watching any time I can. Its a wacky movie about wizards and witches and the one normal girl who gets caught up in the whole mess. Yes, its slightly cliche, and some of the lines are really corny, but I love it. And it really helps that Christian Bale and Billy Crystal supply some of the voices for the English dubbed version. I'm sorry to admit that I am not above watching a movie simply because an actor I like is in it. It really is a good movie, and if you can manage to beat me to renting it, you might want to check it out.

Shojo manga, Japanese comics for girls. A lot of drama, a lot of relationships, a lot of tears, and all that other sappy stuff. If you think that really doesn't sound like me from my description of myself through the movies I watch, then I agree with you. I never thought I'd like that sort of thing, but wrap it up in a Japanese manga, and I will read it and love it. If you don't get it, I don't suggest you try, I'm not sure those of us who like manga really get it either. And by the way, if any one knows where I can buy the latest addition of Shojo Beat magazine in this barren little town, please let me know right away, my subscription does not start until next month.

For anyone who does not know, I am planning on studying in Wales for a semester next year, so I am constantly buying books on Wales so that I can get a small idea of what I am getting myself into. Sadly, I have almost no time to actually read them, so I now have about seven books on Wales, but I'm not learning anything. Oh well, I'll get around to it at some point.

And last but certainly not least, Scarlet Pimpernel books. Honestly, this is not a new obsession, I've had this one for about four or five years now. What makes right now different and worth mentioning is that I just recently managed to find three of the series that are almost impossible to find for prices under twenty dollars on amazon. I know what you're thinking, twently dollars is a lot of money for a book. I agree with you, but when the normal price for one of these books is two hundred dollars, I'll take the twenty plus shipping. This discovery has lit a fire under me again, and it has made me quite happy as well.

Sorry for rambling again, Ill try to actually put something substantial up here soon.

I hate this feeling

So I know I said this blog was supposed to be a place where I could put up my latest writing, but it is turning into more of a rant space instead. Oh well, when I have something decent that I have written for one of my stories I'll get it up here.

By the way, sorry it has been so long since my last update, between the internet being down and my being sick on and off for the past week, I haven't been able to post.

So I actually have another question to pose this week, is it really a good idea for me to keep going to classes and work when I don't really feel that great? For the comfort of anyone who has come in contact with me, I am not contagious, that I know, so no worries. But besides the risk of getting others sick, is it really a good idea to be doing anything other than resting when you don't feel well?

In highschool, most of my teachers told us to stay home if we didn't feel well, because we would not be able to concentrate, and we'd just end up making ourselves even more sick. Hence to say, very few people actually listened, and of course, the teachers were always right.

Along with not already feeling well, we stressed ourselves out because our brains were working slower, and we were holding debates in our heads about what we might miss if we actually went home, and then stressing out more about what we would miss if we stayed home the next day.

By my junior year, I had figured out that if I missed one day of school, there would be time to make up the work, because as long as you asked, the teachers would be more than happy to fill you in on yesterday's topic.

Unfortunately, now that I am in a fairly new environment, I am relearning when it is time to just stay in bed rather than go to class. I'm starting to draw the line at seriously feeling like I am about to throw up, which I experienced more than once last week and over the weekend. But there are still a few classes that I am taking right now that I would drag myself to if I was dying, which I'm not sure is the best policy.

I'm hoping that this sick feeling will leave when the weather decided to finally settle down. Either that or when the stress from this past weekend fades away, which it is taking its sweet time doing.

Anyway, I really hate feeling like this, and I wish it would just go away, but I'll have to deal with it till it does. If anyone has any opinions on how to take care of an annoying stomach ache, or on whether or not I should even be moving around among everyone else, please let me know.

Because I couldn't say it before

So I literally just came back from a play audition, and I need to say this to someone because I couldn't say it at the audition.

Yes I know I posted something earlier this evening, but I think this is good enough to write down, it is my journal after all.

I read for three different people tonight: one was a man, one was a woman sitting in a bar waiting for her date, and the third was an ex-pornstar. I seriously messed up the monologue I read for the guy and spent the next forty minutes without reading anything. But I listened to the others reading their parts, and there was one who dropped the f bomb. I sat and had fun wondering to myself what people would think if I read that part and actually said "Fuck him!"

Of course I was only imagining this because I was pretty sure I wasn't going to be asked to read again. For some reason I mentioned to one of my friends that I'd like to read that, and she told me to say it with a straight face, so I obliged. I honestly have no qualms about cussing, I just don't tend to do it in public because cussing does not really have a place in polite conversation.

To my complete surprise, I was asked to read one of the three parts in the very play that I had been thinking about. I promptly asked the other two girls if I could read for this particular part (the character's name is Janet.) They said I could, and after reading through it once, the three of us took our places. I truly enjoyed shocking everyone in the vicinity when I clearly said "Fuck him!" Being viewed as a complete innocent has its good and bad points, this was one of the good points, getting to impress people with your "boldness". I then read the pornstar's part in the same scene. I made myself cry a little, and I think I impressed them again. A few minutes later, I was asked to read another speech for Janet, and I got an ovation, even from the guy directing the play. I didn't read again, but I was fine with that.

Just for the record, I do not have my heart set on any part, and I won't be bitter if I don't get a part, I haven't auditioned for anything since I was a sophmore in highschool, and before that since fourth grade.

Now after all that babbling, this is the point of this update. If I could choose any part, I would choose Janet. She is sitting in a bar waiting for a guy show up, a tedious and often hurtful task, I would know. I've never waited for a guy in a bar, but I have waited for a guy to come around, two actually. Thankfully, I no longer care, but I still remember what it was like. Waiting for a guy to come around or show up makes you vulnerable. Every time you think you've gotten one step closer, you feel elated, only to lose more than what you've just gained when you realized that you've taken three steps back rather than one step forward. It hurts, it makes you cry, it makes you feel like a victim, and you spend so much time hoping that he'll come around, that you miss out on other fun conversations that you could be having with your friends because your too busy crying about how much you want him to notice you.

For those of you who are going through this right now, I don't mean to be mean or disrespectful; I know all to well what it feels like. It took being stood up for a couple of cans of beer at a party to shove me out of it. To get back to the point I was trying to make, I would like to play Janet if I could because I remember clearly how she feels, and I think I could get that across pretty well.

Anyway, thanks for reading my rambling, I hope I didn't bore you too much.

Good idea, or tired out cliche?

Recently, I managed to write a new scene for my book Patria, which is my story based off of Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. I now have another new idea for a scene, but I'm not entirely sure it would get a really good response, because it is used a bit in literature.

This new idea would take place shortly after the last scene I wrote, which involved Patria getting into a fight with her mother, and Patria leaving the house in a panic, right into Enjolras' arms. On top of Patria being very upset and frightened, it is raining very hard, and she does not have a hat or a shawl. The following conversation results in Enjolras inviting Patria to stay in his very large uptown home until things cool off at home for her. Now please don't get any ideas; my book is entirely clean. Patria accepts the invitation, and they head to his home.

Now we arrive at the scene in question. This idea I kind of took from Pride and Prejudice, but anyway, when they arrive at Enjolras' home, Patria is worn out and chilled. By the morning she is ill. I know this does not happen as much in our time any more, but keep in mind this is the 1830s. Enjolras is very concerned, so stays with her most of the time. For those of you whom I have not explained this to before, Enjolras is in love with Patria, but she has told him not to be, and though she has feelings for him, she is not sure its love. So that night, Patria starts talking in her sleep, begging someone, I'm not sure who yet, not to tell Enjolras that she really is in love with him. She's afraid that if he finds out, he will lose some of his passion for justice which she loves so much in him. Obviously, Enjolras is right there, hearing every word. What happens from there, neither of my characters have informed about yet.

So my question to you is: is this way too corny and cliche? Or is it a really good idea? Please someone help me, no one involved in the books action are informing me of anything, and I am getting really upset with my pseudo writers block.

Why does it only work some of the time?

So right now I am writing a book based off of Victor Hugo's novel Les Miserables, which I believe to be one of the best works of literature out there.

Anyway, whenever I want to make an attempt at writing more of it, I open up Les Mis, and see if a scene comes to mind. Granted, I am mostly browsing the barricade scenes, because that is where my book takes place for the most part.

The problem with this is that it doesn't always work. There was one time when I actually wrote a pretty good scene, if I do say so myself, without even opening the book, and I hadn't read it for a while. But now I can't do either, and it is driving me up the wall.

For anyone who's a writer, then you will understand me when I tell you that my characters are in complete control, and they are taking their sweet time telling me about what is happening.

I can't seem to write anything at all at the moment, and when I attempt to practise with a few tricks a friend taught me, nothing happens; it makes me want to scream.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to beat writers block, I'm all ears

Intro

Hello, I'm the Lady of Day.

I have never done anything like this before, so I beg you to bear with me while I work everything out.

To introduce myself, I am a writer in progress with more story ideas floating around in my brain than I can keep track of, and those are more than likely what I will be posting in the future.

I love to read, mostly 19th century literature and murder mysteries. I also love Japanese anime, and I am a movie fanatic. I love musicals, and have a tendency to fall in love with them before I have even seen them.

As I said, since I am new to all of this, I ask you to bear with me, and when I think of something else to say, I'll let you know.

Intro