Writing!

So I finally have this to show all of you. Feel free to leave any criticism you want. I know it may be difficult to grasp what it is saying because there is no summery of the story, but please look at it as an independent piece of writing.

This piece is a scene from Patria, right before the barricade. Enjoy, and please forgive me, I know it's sappy.


She could not call him back, she would not. To call him back would be to break her promise, and that was unacceptable. But she heard his name escape her lips, and for a moment he stopped. But to her relief and heartbreak, he soon began to walk away again.

She sank back into her chair, still clutching his ring. For a moment, she stared at the floor, but no tears blurred her vision. For the first time in her life Patria could think only of herself, and she wondered why the world had not stopped because of this.

But the world stops for no one, and the people within it have their own problems. So the world can be forgiven for not caring that two people were about to die to uphold an ideal that had lost the iron grip that it once held them in.



What do you think? I know it still needs work. Have a good night.